Friday, December 5, 2014

THIS IS HOW THE APOCALYPSE BEGINS!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  ZOMBIE KILLER
BLIND DOG OZZY:  NEUROTIC CHIHUAHUA
"BLUE" JIMMY:  The other day some people came to my door wanting to inspect my house for potential West Nile Virus hazards.  I did the same as I do for the Jehovah's Witnesses and ignored them.  
BLIND DOG OZZY:  I ran outside and tipped over the stagnant birdbath!
"BLUE" JIMMY:  Government agents wanting to come into your home and search for disease -- conspiracy?
BLIND DOG OZZY:  If not, f**k it, let's create one!
"BLUE"  JIMMY:  Okay, Ebola has been in news...
BLIND DOG OZZY:  I thought Ebola was that oil everyone is using.
"BLUE" JIMMY:  You're thinking of canola.  Ebola is a bad virus that makes you bleed out your eyeballs.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  S**T!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  I been hearing in the news that Ebola is no longer a threat and that we have nothing to worry about if we use hand sanitizer and avoid frolics in West Africa.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  BULLS**T!!!  There's an old saying in American Journalism that says, (something like) "If ten people die in the U.S. it's news, if one hundred people die in Canada it's news -- but no one ever dies in Africa.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The implication is that the closer people are to Americans in language and culture, the closer they are to our hearts.  No one cares about an African villager family who loses their only child.  The truth is that a series of bureaucratic screw ups allowed the Ebola virus to spread like a MF:  People in African villages were told that Ebola was incurable so they did not seek treatment; hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical aid could not reach its target because of red tape; medical experts could not obtain visas to travel to Africa and the World Health Organization (the United Nations' health agency) claimed it was hampered by budget cuts (?).  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  But there's billions of dollars to fight wars!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  It's sheer dumb luck (or is it?) that the Ebola virus is not an airborne virus.  Your have to get kind of up-close-and-personal with a brother or sister to get the Ebola virus.  Just like AIDS, there's got to be fluid transmission.  The baddest bitch of them all when it comes to airborne viruses was (or is) the Smallpox virus.  If the Smallpox virus doesn't kill you, one look in the mirror will.
ACTUAL SMALLPOX VICTIM 1881


BLIND DOG OZZY:  Madre de Dios!
ACTUAL ZOMBIE TODAY


"BLUE" JIMMY:  Smallpox was responsible for hundreds of millions of deaths in the last century until a vaccine was developed and through diligent and fearless work by healthcare workers, was declared completely eradicated by about 1980 -- or was it?  As any history of the disease will tell you, the last samples of Smallpox were retained by the United States and the U.S.S.R. for "research" purposes.  In 1986 the World Health Organization recommended that all remaining samples of the disease be destroyed thereby, eliminating Smallpox from Planet Earth forever.  To this date, the United States and Russia still retain stocks of the Smallpox virus for no benevolent  purpose since it would not be needed to fight any new outbreaks of the disease.  Why keep it?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  DUN DUN DUN!!!  ( here's our conspiracy theory!)

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The recent outbreak (!) of popular films featuring zombies is very suspicious.  The films typically depict a bloody horde of demented, corpse-like things attacking normal people who are deathly afraid of being infected with the zombie virus.  Reports from Third World countries say that people with severe viral infections will exhibit symptoms of delirium and will stumble around their villages in a diseased stupor that will make superstitious villagers think that they have come back from the dead.  I'm also reminded of the first X-Files movie where the paranoid conspiracy theorist informs agent Mulder that the rulers of the world will reduce the population through a "plague to end all plagues."  Conspiracy Insiders have informed us that Hollywood will often reveal things to the general population in gradual, sugary, entertaining amounts in order to buffer us from the shocking, eventual truth.  It's already clear that governments across the world including our own, are ill-prepared to handle an epidemic that could have been contained by quick medical response and proper hygiene much less an airborne plague that could jump continents in a matter of days.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  THIS IS HOW THE APOCALYPSE BEGINS!!!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  NOTE:  The historical and medical information in this article is factual.  The conspiracy theory part we pulled out of our ass.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  It could happen!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Wow!  Wow!
bluejames61@hotmail.com


 



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