Tuesday, December 23, 2014




"BLUE" JIMMY:  In a move unheard of in my vast journalistic memory,  a major movie studio, Sony, has pulled a movie, "The Interview," from theaters due to objection to its content.  Some may argue that the objection to the film's content came in the form of an unprecedented cyber-hack and also contained threats of violence to moviegoers, thereby making the move necessary.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Yet people get to see the travesty of all three sh***y "Beverly Hills Chihuahua"  movies in HD!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The history of the motion picture industry is full of examples of protests and attempts to censor.  The 1915 film, "Birth of a Nation" the first 12 reel film in America,  was protested by the NAACP due to its negative characterization of black folks (who were played by white actors in blackface) and its portrayal of the Klu Klux Klan as heroes.  In my lifetime,  I remember quite a s**t  storm being raised over the release of many films and subsequent attempts to censor by protesters:   "Lolita" for glorifying pedophilia; "Caligula" for its decadent violence and sexuality; "Cruising" for portraying the gay community as sado-masochistic bondage fiends; "The Last Temptation of Christ" for its depiction of Jesus Christ as having un-saviorlike human qualities; "Schindler's List" for being "Jewish propaganda" and "The Exorcist" for being...well, "The Exorcist."  By the way, Mr. William (director of "The Exorcist") Friedkin,  you owe me twenty years of sleep!


"BLUE"  JIMMY:  What is unique about this incident is that it is not really a case of censorship at all.  For example in the past, blatantly pornographic films such as "Deep Throat" and "Behind The Green Door"  were pulled from theaters due to actions by the police, the courts and the FBI.  Theater owners, directors and even actors were arrested for their participation.  There was no such legal pressure for "The Interview."  Sony pulled the movie voluntarily and made it seem as though it was a public safety issue.  Now, New Regency has announced that a film set in North Korea starring popular actor, Steve Carell has been scrapped due to ... oh, I don't know, what do they call it?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Lack of balls!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The cyber-hack has been blamed on North Korea with other less-than-friendly countries being named as co-conspirators.  It really doesn't matter.  Whether the movie depicts two zany journalists being asked to assassinate the leader of North Korea in a comedy (the plot of "The Interview") or it depicts children being subjected to sadistic sexual torture and murder such as in the film, "Salo or the 120 days of Sodom" ( a 1975 film still banned in many countries to this day), a cowardly, anonymous threat issued on the Internet should not be able to shut down a lemonade stand, much less a multi-million dollar production by a major movie studio.  You can foresee the dangerous precedent being set with this incident.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  We might long for the days when ratings boards, TV preachers and parent's groups would determine our entertainment.  At least there was some thought behind it.  Now, any geek in Starbucks with a laptop can determine what we see, read or hear.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Dude!  I need more info.  My gut feeling is that there's more to the story than a cyber-hack by a foreign entity and a movie studio concerned about the safety of moviegoers.  It all seems too convenient.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Like an attack by "terrorists" on the Pentagon and The World Trade Center that justifies a war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!


Friday, December 5, 2014



"BLUE" JIMMY:  The other day some people came to my door wanting to inspect my house for potential West Nile Virus hazards.  I did the same as I do for the Jehovah's Witnesses and ignored them.  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I ran outside and tipped over the stagnant birdbath!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Government agents wanting to come into your home and search for disease -- conspiracy?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  If not, f**k it, let's create one!

"BLUE"  JIMMY:  Okay, Ebola has been in the news...

BLIND DOG OZZY:  I thought Ebola was that oil everyone is using.

"BLUE" JIMMY:  You're thinking of canola.  Ebola is a bad virus that makes you bleed out your eyeballs.


"BLUE" JIMMY:  I been hearing in the news that Ebola is no longer a threat and that we have nothing to worry about if we use hand sanitizer and avoid frolics in West Africa.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  BULLS**T!!!  There's an old saying in American Journalism that says,  "If ten people die in the U.S. it's news, if one hundred people die in Canada it's news -- but no one ever dies in Africa."

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The implication is that the closer people are to Americans in language and culture, the closer they are to our hearts.  No one cares about an African villager family who loses their only child.  The truth is that a series of bureaucratic screw ups and misinformation allowed the Ebola virus to spread like a MF:  People in African villages were told that Ebola was incurable so they did not seek treatment; cultural traditions required tribal shamans and family members to come in close contact with corpses; millions of dollars in medical aid could not reach its target because of red tape; medical experts could not obtain visas to travel to Africa and the World Health Organization (the United Nations' health agency) claimed it was hampered by budget cuts (?).  

BLIND DOG OZZY:  But there's billions of dollars to fight wars!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  It's sheer dumb luck (or is it?) that the Ebola virus is not an airborne virus.  Your have to get kind of up-close-and-personal with a brother or sister to get the Ebola virus.  Just like AIDS, there's got to be fluid transmission.  The baddest bitch of them all when it comes to airborne viruses was (or is) the Smallpox virus.  If the Smallpox virus doesn't kill you, one look in the mirror will.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  Madre de Dios!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Smallpox was responsible for hundreds of millions of deaths in the last century until a vaccine was developed and through diligent and fearless work by healthcare workers, was declared completely eradicated by about 1980 -- or was it?  As any history of the disease will tell you, the last samples of Smallpox were retained by the United States and the U.S.S.R. for "research" purposes.  In 1986 the World Health Organization recommended that all remaining samples of the disease be destroyed thereby, eliminating Smallpox from Planet Earth forever.  To this date, the United States and Russia still retain stocks of the Smallpox virus for no benevolent  purpose since it would not be needed to fight any new outbreaks of the disease.  Why keep it?

BLIND DOG OZZY:  DUN DUN DUN!!!  ( here's our conspiracy theory!)

"BLUE" JIMMY:  The recent outbreak (!) of popular films featuring zombies is very suspicious.  The films typically depict a bloody horde of demented, corpse-like things attacking normal people who are deathly afraid of being infected with the zombie virus.  Reports from Third World countries say that people with severe viral infections will exhibit symptoms of delirium and will stumble around their villages in a diseased stupor that will make superstitious villagers think that they have come back from the dead.  I'm also reminded of the first X-Files movie where the paranoid conspiracy theorist informs agent Mulder that the rulers of the world will reduce the population through a "plague to end all plagues."  Conspiracy Insiders have informed us that Hollywood will often reveal things to the general population in gradual, sugary, entertaining amounts in order to buffer us from the shocking, eventual truth.  It's already clear that governments across the world including our own, are ill-prepared to handle an epidemic that could have been contained by quick medical response and proper hygiene much less an airborne plague that could jump continents in a matter of days.


"BLUE" JIMMY:  NOTE:  The historical and medical information in this article is factual.  The conspiracy theory part we pulled out of our ass.

BLIND DOG OZZY:  It could happen!

"BLUE" JIMMY:  Sake's Alive!